‘Snow White…and the Seven Vertically Challenged Men’

So, should it be ‘Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs‘, ‘Snow White and her Seven Friends‘, or perhaps ‘Snow White and the Seven Vertically Challenged Men’?

That’s the question that has been storming across the country this week after Leicester’s De Montfort Hall re-named their Christmas pantomime ‘Snow White and her Seven Friends‘. According to the theatre, the word ‘dwarf’ is “generally not a word that people feel comfortable with”. (The Independent) In another twist, they’re also going to use a child dance troupe to play the dwarfs, instead of short actors.

Of course, James Finn Garner, author of the bestselling POLITICALLY CORRECT BEDTIME STORIES, foresaw this problem in his take of Snow White and her ‘Seven Vertically Challenged Men’.

“Once there was a young princess who was not at all unpleasant to look at and had a temperament that many found to be more pleasant than most other people’s. Her nickname was Snow White, indicative of the discriminatory notions of associating pleasant or attractive qualities with light, and unpleasant or unattractive qualities with darkness. Thus, at an early age, Snow White was an unwitting if fortunate target for this type of colourist thinking.”

“When she awoke several hours later, she saw the faces of seven bearded, vertically challenged men surrounding the bed. She sat up with a start and gasped. One of the men said, ‘You see that? Just like a flighty wommon: resting peacefully one minute, up and screaming the next.’”

“’We are known as the Seven Towering Giants’, said the leader. Snow White’s suppression of a giggle did not go unnoticed. The leader continued. ‘We are towering in spirit and so are giants among the men of the forest. We used to earn our living by digging in our mines, but we decided that such a rape of the planet was immoral and short-sighted (besides, the bottom fell out of the metals market). So now we are dedicated stewards of the earth and live here in harmony with nature. To make ends meet, we also conduct retreats for men who need to get in touch with their primitive masculine identities.’”

Now, how about Little Red Riding Hood and her Grandma, the cross-dressing wolf?

In POLITICALLY CORRECT BEDTIME STORIES, James Finn Garner has taken the opportunity to rewrite classic stories for more enlightened times.

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At last, here is bedtime reading free from prejudice and discrimination to witches, giants, dwarves, goblins and fairies everywhere.

“Extremely funny… After one finishes this collection, ‘happily ever after’ will never seem quite the same.” – Publisher’s Weekly

All extracts taken from ‘Snow White’ in POLITICALLY CORRECT BEDTIME STORIES by James Finn Garner (ISBN: 9780285640412) eBook (ISBN: 9780285640627) £7.99.

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